Twatwaffle Rental Scammers

So back when mom was looking for houses for us, she ran into a lot scammers so she decided to have a little fun with one of them. It begins with the scammer’s first response after mom answered the ad – not knowing it was a scam. It follows the back and forth communication they had from that point. Enjoy, yo.


Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2013 07:04:07 -0700
Subject: Re: – $900 / 3br – 3 bedroom/1 bathroom (Seattle, WA)


Thanks for your email, I personally own the house, we want our property to be well taken good care, and there are some Precaution in which i do give out to tenant willing to rent my house which brings about safety of a home, so please don’t be offended. But if you are still capable of renting my house the precaution goes this way.

You must keep my house clean including the surrounding, you must know the way in which you use the stove so as to avoid fire outbreak,you must not disturb the neighbor. We decided to rent out the property due to our transfer to (West Africa).  My Family and I just traveled to Nigeria for a program Empowering Youth to Fight Racism, HIV/AIDS, Poverty and Lack of Education with Dove Christian Fellowship International on a Missionary Work, so we are renting it out since we need someone to take good care of the property on my absence and the house will be available for a period of 5 years. The program is taking place in four major countries which are Uganda, Japan, Haiti and Nigeria. Have this in mind you must know the kind of person that i am. Nevertheless i am giving you this Precautions because of what corresponded between me and my last tenant. The keys and documents are with us here in West Africa … so i will need to ship them to you before you can occupy the house but you can drive by the house anytime to take a look.

I want you to understand that I spent a lot on my property that you have requested to rent, so I will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this house and would want you to treat it as your own because cleanliness they say is next to Godliness. It is not all about the money to be paid on rent or spent; it is all about a good maintenance culture which I want you to adopt on the property. I want you to keep it tidy all the time so that I would be full of smiles whenever I come and above all, a good, strong and tight relationship between us when I come for a check up. Please one more thing, I wouldn’t like to have any benefit of trust in you because I want to stand in your words that the property would be well taken care of all the time.I believe you have see how lovely it is if from only the pictures you saw in my posting compare to the 100% comfort to be derived from it as you are an occupant.

We will be away for a while that is why we made up our mind to put up our house for rent to whom ever that will take good care of it. Please i want you to note that i spent a lot on my property that i want to give to you for rent,so i will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this house and want you to treat it as your own. Utilities include Water,Trash,Sewer,Gas and Electricity etc and all utilities are included for six (6) months of move in.

The money is not the main problem but i want you to keep it tidy all the time so that i will be glad to see it neat when i come for a check up. I also want you to let me have trust in you as I always stand on my word. The Bedroom house is equipped with everything you can need for your stay: fully equipped kitchen, Refrigerator, Microwave, Gas Range,Dishwasher,Garbage Disposal,Hood Over Range,Granite Counter,Available,washing machine….. Bedrooms, bath.. And large living room with appliances including in-suite washer and dryer,electric heating,Wall Furnaces.

Address: 4026 49th Ave SW, Seattle, WA 98116


Name (First name/ Middle name/Surname ) : __________?
Phone numbers (home,cell and office line ) # :__________?
E-mail :__________?
Best time to call :__________?
Marital Status:__________?
How many proposed occupants :__________?
List all in addition to yourself including approx age :__________?
Present Address :__________?
City/State :__________?
Will you have pets :__________?
Please describe Breed, size :__________?
Personality of pet :__________?
Preferred move in date :__________?
Intended length of lease:__________?
Do you agree to pay the payment before you move in:__________?
Earliest possible date of deposit payment:__________?
Length of previous tenancy :__________?
Present occupation :__________?
Are you a section 8 applicant
Do you work late night :__________?
Do you smoke :__________?
Do you drink :__________?
Send your picture or family picture __________?

Please feel free to ask any questions you do not understand and i will be looking forward to receive your email as soon as possible. As i am not around to show the inside, you can go check out the house and the neighborhood from the outside and get back to me if you really like it for more information. Please respond ASAP.
I hope to read from you with more information.Thanks for the time and energy writing me, My regards to your family.
For more inquiries, Here is my cell phone number which i roamed so i can receive international calls, call or text me ASAP  +1(704)584-9587

Best Regards.

Yesterday is history, Tomorrow’s a mystery, TODAY’S a GIFT, that’s why it’s called the present!



Subject: RE: – $900 / 3br – 3 bedroom/1 bathroom (Seattle, WA)
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2013 10:06:46 -0700

Hello Reverend!

I am very excited about renting your lovely home. I did drive by and look at it, and with the photos of the inside, I do believe I will very much love living there. I will treat the house as if it were my own. I am a very good cleaner and I like to keep the toilet and show very clean…especially since my clients will often be using them.

I work from home, but I ensure that all my clients are of the highest quality…my services are not cheap. But I do take care that I am quiet. If the house is not well insulated I will do my own soundproofing to ensure the neighbors are not disturbed. I am very courteous and aware others need for privacy and quiet in their own home.

I would also like to propose that, in order to ensure my position as your new tenant, I pay you for 6 months rent in advance. So that would be $5,400. I could just make it an even $6,000, I suppose.

I do have a cat, a dog, a large saltwater fish tank where I keep small sharks and a monkey. The cat is very clean. I bath her once a week as she was born without a tongue so she cannot clean herself, although the monkey does clean her often to help me out.

The dog is very well trained and I bath him once a week as well. He is a Chihuahua-Doberman mix. Imagine that conception. Anyway, he also keeps the monkey in line. If the monkey gets too excited he just bites him on the posterior and that usually settles the monkey right down. I taught the dog not to bark by playing David Hasslehoff music every time he barked. He hates the Hoff. It must make his ears hurt as he howls painfully when David’s music is played. I know many people do not like barking dogs so I wanted to make sure my dog would not bother neighbors. But if someone enters the house uninvited he may attack. But if I say, “You may enter.”, the dog knows to be nice. I do have to be careful in my line of work.

The monkey is potty trained now and I have also curbed him from throwing his feces at men. For some reason it was only men he threw it at. I took him to a primate psychologist for a time to figure out why this was, but it was no help. So, when he threw his excrement at men I threw it back at him. He did not like that, so he is now cured of that bad habit. But again as with the dog, if I do not say “You may enter.” a man may find feces in his face.

I hope there is space for a garden. I love to grow my own vegetables and other plants that I would rather not mention. I also hope I have space for a small chicken coop. I love to have fresh eggs to eat. I also keep a few for butchering. I like the breast meat, but since I don’t like dark meat I feed that to the sharks. It’s a win-win situation. I don’t like to waste food.

Oh, is there also a basement or garage? I have a very large freezer that I need to keep with me.

When will you be available to show me the place? I need to move ASAP and I would like to be able to take some measurements of the rooms. Of course, I’m well versed at lock-picking. With your permission I could just pick the lock and let myself. I won’t damage the locks, don’t worry, I used to do it for a living.

I would rather keep our correspondence to email till we meet. See, I have a very bad stuttering problem and not only does it embarrass me, but it makes communicating very difficult.

I am so very excited at the prospect of renting your lovely home. Say, what are the laws in Nigeria in regards to marijuana? Just curious.

I look forward to your email soon!
Dixie DaBush


Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2013 17:29:40 -0700

How are you doing, Hope great.. My wife and I sends our heartfelt appreciation and warmth greetings to you. We went through your application and Most especially your mail, You gave us an inner peace of Mind that really got us going. Your Re-assuring mail that our home will be taken care of well as if it were yours is something that makes me want to rent to you.

To sustain the Life we do not really require much. It takes only a little food,something to wear and a place to” lie down”. The rich might have an abundance of this things,and the poor may have to struggle to obtain what they need.What difference there is, however, is equalized when life comes to its end-everything comes to naught.(Eccl.9:5,6).

Thus Life to have meaning and worth, it cannot and should not simply consist of things that one can acquire or possess.Whether we are rich or poor,we do not have complete control over how long we may live or whether we will even be alive tomorrow.The bible clear shows that Only God alone is the source of life and only he can grant faithful ones the real life or everlasting life without end in Heaven. You are just an accurate example of the fulfillment of psalm 23..which God has promised to make you lie down in grassy pastures and he further says :By well watered resting places He shall conduct you, verse 6 says surely Goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life; And you will dwell in the house of the lord forever and ever.

We have decided to let you live in our house. As we have found your application very satisfactory and acceptable by my family. so we would want you to go through the acceptance form and get back to us on what you feel. I will be giving you a call later . We would like to send the following document to you via FEDEX to the address you sent to us and the tracking number will be sent to you so that you can possibly occupy our house, Please once again, we are giving you this on trust and do not disappoint us and i promise you that, you will love the house. So we are with the below document here with us. you will need to make Payment for Rent deposit and shipment of the Keys and document to the address you will have to provide to us .

Below are the contents of the document that will be shipped to you Via FedEx mailing service to the address you gave to me in the Application Form.

1)  Entrance and the rooms Keys

2)  Paper/Permanent house form(Containing your reference details)

3)  The house documentary file.

4)  Letter of Access

5)  Payment Receipt.

6)  Full address and driving direction/description of the house.

I will also need you to confirm your delivery details and also to answer the below questions so as to certify my worries about you taking charge of my house:

Delivery Name:

Delivery Address:

Phone #:

You are going to send the payment via western union outlet today, so we can secure the house for you and your family and also for you to have the keys and document in your possession ,and below is the information to send the payment through Western Union Outlet.

Below is the payment information.






ZIP CODE:     23401



As soon as you send the payment from the Western Union Money Transfer Outlet close to you, you would be given some information. You would have to get back to me with following information:

1. Full Sender’s Name And Address Including Zip Code:

2. MTCN #:

3. Amount Sent:

I await your reply ASAP. Regard and God bless you!!!


From: ACL Longacre <>
Sent: Friday, August 23, 2013 4:15 AM

Hello Colin,

I only have a quick moment. I will send you the payment tomorrow. I had an emergency and had to run my Bruce (the spider monkey) to the ER. Seems he has taken a liking to my whiskey.



Date: Fri, 23 Aug 2013 09:47:34 -0700
Subject: Re: HOW TO PROCEED.

i tried calling you but no response…please get back to me asap.
Date: Fri, 23 Aug 2013 11:03:41 -0700

Hi Colin,
Sorry, it has been a long night and I am now just getting going this morning. Bruce (the monkey) had to stay at the ER overnight for observation. I guess alcohol poisoning for primates can be quite serious. I’ll have to start keeping my whiskey in a locked liquor cabinet so Bruce can’t get to it.

The dog and cat were so distressed by not having Bruce with us last night they had me awake most all night. Harry, my dog, howled and whined and then shit ON cat in retaliation. Edith, the cat, then jumped on Harry’s back and nearly clawed out Harry’s left eye. Thank goodness I have some surgical skills and I was able put that eye right back in and sow up the surrounding lacerations, so I saved myself another visit to the ER. Wouldn’t that have been a night?

Colin, I do have to ask, because I believe in being upfront and direct…what seems to be your rush today? You are, after all, in Nigeria on a noble mission. I’ve had a very hectic night and feeling pressure makes me uneasy.

I do have to say I agree with your philosophy of life and God. And you know, some people try to use religion as a ploy to gain trust from others. But not you and your wife, you seem very sincere people. I don’t think you would ever use religion as a vehicle to falsely gain trust, that would be blasphemy would it not?

So, I do have a few questions about the items I am to receive once I send my money. Could you please tell me what the heck is “The house documentary file” and the “Letter of Access”? I’ve never heard of such documents hear in America.

You know I would really feel better seeing the house inside before I send my money. I work hard for it. I mean I have a LOT of it, but I work hard for my money. Not to say I don’t trust you, I do. But sometimes people can break in, do damage. I mean you are in Nigeria, anyone could have gotten in. You’ve heard of “squatters” haven’t you, Colin? People see empty homes that are for rent or sale and break in to live there while it’s unoccupied. They do drugs, poop on the floor, vomit, bleed all over, sometimes have babies, placenta gets everywhere. That could happen. And I would hate to spend money on a bloody, fecal laden home.

And you know, I would really love to meet you and your wife sometime. Is your wife pretty? How old is she? Does she need a job? I could have her work for me.

Anyway, back to the money…I was reading on Craigslist that one should not send money via Western union for a house. Do you think I would get in trouble if I did?

Please get back to me about the document descriptions and the possibility of looking at the house first. And my offer still stands pick the locks. I’m ok with that, I’m a pro.

All my best,


One response to “Twatwaffle Rental Scammers

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