Tag Archives: Religion

My Jingle Bells In A Bunch

Ok, last year I did a little rant about the standards of holiday candy (see Sacrilege of Holiday Candy Crossover). Well, this year I gotta say I need to vent again about another holiday standard going down the pooper. You know, it’s Christmas time, I’m the kinda guy wants to be happy and merry and bask in the joy of the season. No, seriously I do. But this wrapping paper desecration has got my jingle bells in a bunch.

What, you ask is wrong with the holiday wrapping paper? Well, I’ll tell ya…it’s BLACK. Yeah, black! For Christmas! And I’m pretty sure it isn’t Jesus’s 50th birthday – but that’s the only time I’ve seen black wrapping paper used for anything. So, unless someone is doing some weird dog-year’s kinda math, black wrapping paper has no business being used for Christmas.

And the only thing I know associated with black during Christmas is COAL and coal is meant for bad kids, right? Didn’t kids used to be threatened with a gift of BLACK coal if they were bad? I jus’ get thteatened with no treats. Anyway, now, we have BLACK wrapping paper! Black is NOT a Christmas color – for the record neither is BLUE – unless you’re Elvis. Then you can have a blue Christmas all you want, but I don’t want to see blue paper or ornaments either …and I do.

I mean, black is usually associated with death and Halloween, right? H.A.L.L.O.W.E.E.N. Completely different holiday. So why the hell are we using it for CHRISTMAS paper when Christmas is about BIRTH, life, love. What, some atheist elf get promoted to a decision-making position at the gift wrapping factory?

Christmas colors are red, green, silver and gold. What is wrong with people that we can’t maintain traditions? Are we just bored with the same ol’ colors, is that it? Well why don’t we start decorating for Halloween in pink and yellow? Wouldn’t that be pretty?After all Halloween is all about “pretty” and doesn’t orange and black get “old”?

Why don’t we change the colors of award ribbons? The “blue” ribbon is boring…why don’t we start awarding ribbons in saying plaid? OR brown? Congratulations! You’ve won the first prize BROWN ribbon! Or change gold medals to black plastic. Gold is scarce anyway. Or hey! Let’s change the colors and shape of stop signs. Whatever color and shape they feel like making at the stop sign factory that day. No need to be consistent. Let’s do that with all traffic signs. No one will know what’s coming up or what to do until they can actually read the sign. Fun!

Do you want to buy chocolate bunnies and red-heart laden items say during the 4th of July? You “love” your country, right? So what’s the matter with hearts all over everything then? Forget Valentine’s Day, we’ll put hearts on stuff every holiday, and black cats and skeletons, too. And why don’t we make some black hearts and flowers on Valentine’s Day? It’s good enough for Christmas. Hell, why don’t we sell Christmas trees for Halloween…well I guess we practically do since Christmas decorations ARE coming out at stores before fricking Halloween.

Yeah, I know, it may seem insignificant, but if we have don’t have customs and standards there is no meaning to anything…everything is the same no matter the day, month or season. If we don’t maintain the things that are special and standard for each holiday, then NOTHING will be special. Don’t you want to have some things that make you think specifically of certain times of the year or holidays? Don’t you want a break from the ordinary?  Easter IS pastels. 4th of July IS red, white and blue. Halloween IS orange and black. And Christmas IS red and green.

And you know, Christmas is NOT “Winter Celebration”. I mean I know Christmas happens during winter, I’m not a stupid Chi, but kids can’t have Christmas parties in school anymore; they have to have “winter celebrations”. They can’t have red & green decorations, gotta be blue and white like…I guess, snow and frostbite. They can’t have Christmas trees, oh no, they have to be “holiday” trees. Do you know what I do on all trees that are not Christmas trees? I pee on them. I mean if it’s not a Christmas tree then it’s just a regular tree, like in the park. I pee on trees in the park.

Ok, anyway,…Christmas is a holiday…called…CHRISTMAS. Would the Jews call Hanukkah something different just because not “everyone” celebrates it? No. I sure as crap know the Muslims wouldn’t allow anyone to call Eid-Al-Fitr by any other name.

So, WHY are people so “offended” by calling Christmas, CHRISTMAS? That IS the holiday! If you don’t want to celebrate it that’s fine, but allow the rest of us that do to enjoy our songs and traditions that our families have for generations in this country.

Hey, how about if you’re so offended by salutations of joy and good will, gift-giving, songs of love and hope, pretty lights on an evergreen or plastic figures and animals in a pretend barn…why don’t those people not accept gifts, stay out of the stores and go to work while the rest of us enjoy family, treats, love, gifts and a couple days off?

I guess I’m an old-fashioned kinda Chi. I just don’t want anyone to take away my Christmas. Hey, Chi’s celebrate Christmas, too you know. I’m pruddy sure I’m getting some chicken treats.

So, Merry Christmas to you all…and to all a good night (jus’ wonderin’ what it would feel like to be Santa).

Peace and chicken,

Petey Kringle

 


Stop Picking on Charlie Brown & Christmas!

Ok, first, hasn’t Charlie Brown been picked on enough with Lucy pulling that darn football away from him every time?  Isn’t that enough? But now we got some tardweasel trying to take him off the air. I mean, I would think a guy would be smart enough to notice a pattern, you know, like “Hey she’s yanked the football before, maybe she jus’ might do it again.” Like when Elsa scared the beejeezuz out of me jumping out from dark corners. It only took me 3 times of that crap and I recognized the evil pattern.  Elsa is evil. So now I walk in the middle of the room. Always.

Sorry, this is about the raw deal Charlie Brown and Christmas are getting. So first, there was some cry-baby-pee-pants parent who wanted to have The Peanuts gang removed from airing on TV because he thought it promoted “bullying”. Yeah. Ok, dude have you SEEN any of the shows? Like I said, Lucy whisks the football away from Chuck all the time. But you automatically think a kid is going to beat up and steal your little Aiden’s iCrap because they watched The Great Pumpkin? Seriously? Maybe you should take away  “Call of Duty” or “Grand Theft Auto” first.

And could someone tell the Delicate Dan that kids have been “bullying” each other since before TV was even invented? Since before dogs were domesticated. Heck, I bet there were cave-kids bullying each other with clubs and snakes. Dude, they don’t get the idea from an innocuous cartoon about a giant pumpkin or the spirit of Christmas.

You know, teenagers’ brains aren’t fully developed so they are like retarded, drunken howler monkeys. They think up weird shit and sometimes do bad things. Has Daddy ever thought about oh, maybe taking some responsibility for the life he chose to produce and TEACH it “right and wrong”? Maaaaaybe, telling his precious squirt that what Lucy does is not very nice? Maybe then focus on the POSITIVE messages the REST OF THE DAMN SHOW HAS?

<Breathe> Sorry, I’m usually a mellow guy, but dang it, it gets my nuts in a knot. I mean, I don’t actually have nuts anymore, so of course I’m speaking figuratively. I like to say it though, makes me feel manly. Anyway, so NOW some stupid atheists are going after the “Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown” special AND a local theatre rendition at a <GASP> church.

Kids at a school were going to go to the play as a field trip, but the atheists got their pentagram in a twist saying that it has “religious content” and is held in a religious venue, then citing the 1st Amendment. Um, do these Jesus-bashers know that it says “…freedom OF religion…” NOT freedom FROM religion?!  Meaning anyone can practice ANY RELIGION they want. Well, actually what it says is, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;…”.

So, you  know, I got to thinking – I can be a very pensive kind of dude – and what I want to ask these hypocrites is, why does God offend them so much, but Allah doesn’t? HUH? See, we can’t sing songs in schools that even mention God; can’t have a “CHRISTMAS” tree, has to be a f-ing “holiday tree” (vomit); they can’t say “Merry Christmas” because it might “offend” some Sensitive Sally (Hmm my Jewish friends never got offend by the INNOCENT, HAPPY sentiment); no way on having a nativity. BUT if they are SO concerned, too, with “separation of church and state”, why don’t they make a darn peep when children in a US school sing a RELIGIOUS  MUSLIM song? Yeah, that’s right, that’s what I said…a Muslim religious song. Here. In the US. In a school.  But they can’t sing “The First Noel” or have a “Christmas” party?! I mean, what the hell?

And a school somewhere else took children to a MOSQUE; you know a “religious venue” on a field trip. I’m pretty sure they weren’t having a Charlie Brown Christmas play either. No, they had them recite a Muslim prayer. A prayer. Now if it were a dang Christian prayer they would have gone bat-shit.

So, hypocritical haters, what’s your excuse? Where were you then? HUH? You don’t want to see or hear anything to do with a Christian God, but you’re perfectly fine with Islam? Isn’t that considered a religion? Aren’t you soul-suckers against ALL religion?

As an open-minded, understanding kind of Chi, I can’t understand how people can be frickin’ offended by a holiday that’s main message is peace, love and selfless giving. I mean, seriously?

You know, how empty does your life have to be to get your titties in a twist about a good-smelling evergreen with twinkly lights and sparkly glass balls or a salutation that is meant with the kindest of intention? I don’t have titties, but if I did they wouldn’t get in a twist if someone wished me, say, “Happy Hanukah” or Happy Mother’s Day. I’m not a mother, I’m a dude, but hey I wouldn’t get all agro about it…cause see I’m secure in who I am and I have more important things to think about…like if evil Elsa will try to eat me today.

Mom tells me that when she was young -not that long ago, I’m reminded-that there CHRISTMAS decorations everywhere…in stores, restaurants, gas stations, homes, town halls, frickin’ everywhere. She said every one wished each other Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukah and no one got offended by pretty decorations and good cheer. WTF, yo?

I don’t understand, but I”m jus’ a simple Chi with a simple life.

Well, mom and I are wishing EVERYONE a “Merry Christmas” wherever we go and mom decorated her car with the phrase “Merry Christmas”.  Hey, maybe we’re offended by people who are offended by Christmas.

So, here’s a shout out to the baby Jesus on his birthday and wish of a very Merry Christmas everyone, whether they like it or not.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, yo,
Pete, your Christmas elf.