Monthly Archives: January 2014

What the Hella, CAPTCHA?

Ok, even if you all don’t know what it’s called, I’m sure you have seen a “CAPTCHA”. No it is not a Ukrainian sandwich condiment or some southwestern lupine-looking creature that sucks the blood from chickens.  It apparently stands for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart “. Yeah. But, even as a Chi I know about these twisted hieroglyphics. It’s those LSD induced-looking letters at the bottom of some websites that you have to decipher and type in a box in order to proceed with the important things you are doing. Yeah, you know those damn letters that you couldn’t interpret if you had a magnifying glass and decoder ring.

Now, as I understand it, mom says they serve a purpose. She says they are put there to keep robots – or “bots” as those in the know say – from jacking sensitive info, crashing online polls or springing free email accounts to blow spam. I think the purpose is to make you feel drunk and question the legitimacy of your current activities, “Oh crap I am so drunk I’m not seeing double I’m seeing squiggly!

Personally, I think they should have named them AMIDRuNK (Allow Me In Damn (it) Right Now Kidnapper) …’cause it’s easier to pronounce and frankly more accurate. Or maybe WAFWY (We Are Fing With You)…factual and you sound like Elmer Fudd when saying it and sounding like Elmer Fudd is fun.

Anyway, they are just aggravating. Damn. You know, you’re in the groove, finishing up your questionnaire for beef jerky treats, but you get cow-blocked by one of these things. Is that a wiggly o or a lower case e? Dang it. You pick e…NOPE! Wrong answer!

Now what happens? They give you a different one! So, you don’t get to try the o. Ok, so now…is it a q or a FUBARed y? Y or qy or q? You pick the y. BUZZER! INCORRECT! You get another…. and on it goes till you get lucky like teenager on prom night.

The other day I thought mom was going to burst a vein when she got job-blocked by one of these damn things. You know, there she is, plugging along, filling out her application that a prospective company sent her. She wants to get it done and get it to them quickly, but nope. JOB-BLOCKED by a CAPTCHA gatekeeper. Oh sorry, I couldn’t get my application to you for four days, I’ve been trying to do translate your site’s CAPTCHA, finally had to hire a psychic to tell me what it was.

You know, I understand the reason, I do. I’m an understanding kind of guy, but can’t they make it a little easier? Or come up with something different? Ah, I guess there are bigger things to worry about, but you know sometime a guys’ got to vent.

Thanks for listening.

Petey McSweets, catching ya on the flip side…